An apple is a martian substance that originated on Saturn. It was transported to Earth when Misencyclopedia was created, 1300 A.D. Newton discovered the apple when he was playing tennis with O.J. Simpson back in the day. It comes in every color except red, green, and yellow. It is shaped like a cube but can sometimes be found as a triangular shape.
Newton, born a few years before the Earth was created, was losing his tennis game and checking his MySpace account when he discovered it. It was sitting on his Billabong beanie that he had taken off from the heat. He had informed O.J. that he found something weird, and then O.J. took it and threw it. It hit Newton in the head. "Apple!" was the sound that Newton made when he got hit with it.
Soon, the name caught on. When the apple started mating with other apples and they reproduced a lot, people started eating them and finding them to be very "tasty". Soon, Newton got very rich from his so called "invention" and moved out of his apartment building in downtown, New York City and into a mansion in New Jersey around the suburbs.
However, a mob formed when the apple was discovered to have lice in it, and it started eating people from the inside out. Newton worked in his lab to find a cure for The Apple Disease, which is now called "cancer", and when he almost had it, he was on the news everywhere, and when people came home from work, they immedietly turned on the TV to watch Newton's progress on curing the apple disease, or whatever the fuck they called it.
When he almost had it, he dropped the beaker in which the cure was in, and he was shot dead at his mansion by a Rocket Launcher.
The apple is now eaten by millions of people as a part of their daily diet, but has a bad after effect. It is prone to lice, as not all of them have been killed in the nuclear war back in the 1940's (that supposedly eliminated all lice). So watch out people. If you have the apple disease/[cancer]], you know why.