A baby is someone who has a head shaped like a football, wears a yellow shirt and red overalls, his parents are Peter and Lois Griffin, and he's half-gay.
They are also the kind of people that give girls a helluva lotta pain and can also make some girls loose and give them a whole bunch of fatty fat on them that they have to use Jenny Craig (which, by the way, doesn't fucking work) to try and get it all off.
They're the kind of people who you walk into the mall with and they start crying because you fed them some vodka instead of their little traditional milk bottle. And then they puke all over your bra and you have to clean that up, which can really fucking suck because you just bought the damn bra and now you gotta go and return it, saying that it was like that when you bought it, just so you can blame it on the store you bought it from.
Health[]
As you may already know, most babies are just so fucking stupid they don't live very long. Some are born with AIDS, others are born with many different diseases, like AIDS. And some are even born with AIDS. Didja know that? That some babies are born with AIDS?
Well now ya do.
Benefits from a baby[]
The very few benefits you could maybe possibly get are:
- An excuse for why you can't go to that Hannah Montana concert with your gayass friend, Jake
- A reason for why you can't go to that Katy Perry concert with your other gayass friend, Tom
- A justification for why you can't go to that Lady Gaga concert with your third gayass friend, Jerry
Unbenefits from a baby (things that aren't benefits)[]
The unbenefits you get are:
- Having a mess to clean up
- Having to deal with your boyfriend being smart and leaving you
- Knowing that it's too late for abortion (duh)
- Risking becoming a "bad" person to your friends and family if you kill it or leave it
- Having to change its diaper (oh God, like seriously)
- Making sure that it doesn't fucking cry
- Being embarassed that it's crying when you're shopping at Walmart like a loser
- Thinking about having to deal with this thing for 18 years as it goes through its attention stage, then its rebellion stage, and then it leaves you. Fucking finally too, dammit
See also[]
| The Timeline of Life |
|---|
Career: Pre-K · Kindergarden · Elementary school · Middle school · High school · Job · College · Career |