| Grand Theft Auto (video game series) | |
| File:GTA Mario.jpg The latest crossover game. | |
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Awesomeness rating (1-10) |
300 |
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Best game from series |
San Andreas |
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Content rating |
Children to adults |
Grand Theft Auto is one of the most awesomest, coolest, fantastic video-game series of the 21st Century (since 1997, at least). Ever since the release of GTA: Vice City and GTA: San Andreas a long time ago (like 2005, or something) there has been speculation that critics have become jealous of how amazing the game series has become.
So while you're playing your gamecube, playing the new Dora the Explorer video-game, cool people are running around with shotguns and grenades and fucking up pedestrians and cars.
So yeah, you do that. Go play your Dora game while your social status quickly and vastly declines (goes down) until you're so uncool that everybody just wants to fucking kill you.
Yeah, you wait for it. Cuz it'll happen.
How it's played[]
The first three games[]
Look at that. Arial view. Fucking arial view. Bullshit.
Grand Theft Auto started out with that stupid arial view that nobody fucking liked. Nonetheless, it was a game where you got to fucking run around and kill people with various weapons across town and get noscope headshots on the police/pedestrians. So that made it a fun game to play.
Oh, and let's not forget that you can fucking steal cars. And that's just one of the awesome things you can do. You can also do missions (OMG!!!) even though, like, nobody buys the game for that; they buy the game so they can kill people legally.
However, starting with the better graphics with GTA: III, the game got a lot better and more fun to play because it wasn't that stupid arial view anymore; it was like you were actually that white guy that was the main character that you played. That game was like the most legendary game, until GTA: Vice City came out.
The next three games[]
Look at that. A parachute. A fucking parachute. Amazing.
GTA: Vice City had it to where you could fly planes and junk and that was just so fucking cool. They even had helicopters and that was awesome. Helicopters are awesome and always have been.
GTA: San Andreas was the legendaryest (most legendary) one to date, though, because you could actually have an entire state to run around in and you could fly very large planes and helicopters and you could actually swim (Grand Theft Auto white people can't do that) and you could pimp out your car, as in, you could turn a Honda Civic into a Benz in NO time whatsoever. It's awesome.
But when the next game came out, the series started sucking because it didn't get better, it got worse. Grand Theft Auto IV? Well, it has less things that you can do in it and you really can only fly a helicopter in it. That's about it, honestly. Less weapons, some foreign guy that nobody knows where he's from, and you have a cell phone that when you call people they never even fucking answer because they're always fucking doing something, dammit.
It sucks. But it's okay.
Production history[]
The ancient Mayans were the first people who had the chance to play Grand Theft Auto games because their local Walmart was having a sell on them and everybody just had to fucking get them.
Of course, Walmart's open 24 hours a day so it was worth it. Millions of Mayans flooded through Walmart while everybody else was like "wtf is up with all these fucking mayans flooding walmart at 3am in the evening?"
It left everyone scared and confused.
So the producers kept producing and producing until they ran out of stock about five minutes later when over 70 billion copies were sold for about a thousand dollars each, a very cheap price for a Mayan.
Why people "hate" it[]
Your parents[]
Your parents fucking love this game, dude, they just don't want to let you know because they want to be "morally right" and tell you that it's a bad game. But if you catch them in their room they're probably playing GTA IV or something because they stole it from you, saying you're not allowed to have it. Or they drove to Walmart the other day and bought it.
Retailers[]
Also, retailers from like Walmart, Target, and Home Depot will tell you ridiculous things to your parents, if you want to buy a game from this series, like "well, do you know what your son is playing? the game has a whole buch of cussing in it and half the time they're just having sex or blowing up things". And you probably told your mom that it's about saving whales from the polluting water that will endanger the environment one day. Whether that is true or not is beside the point; they're trying to get your mom convinced that it's a bad game and that genocide and blasphemy is the effects and Grand Theft Auto is the cause.
But most retailers are just "looking out for you" or "trying to be kind", according to police, advertisors, your parents, your older sister, and the judge + the jury, but don't believe that unbelievable bullshit.
Teachers[]
For some reason even teachers hate the game series, but that's likely because the government probably told them that it was bad and they were like "wtf it's so fun, you get to kill people" and if they said that they'd get fired and lose their job. And no teacher wants that. They already complain about budget cuts and salary cuts, and those days that they absolutely have to take off without pay.
So yeah, the teachers hate the series, and that's the truth, too. You can look it up in Webster's dictionary of 2006 edition or whatever. Go ahead and buy the new one. See if I fucking care.
Reception[]
With critics[]
Critics don't like to admit that they fucking love this game series. They like to pretend that they are "good people" by saying that the game is too mature for anyone under the age of 17, and that's why it's got that 17+ rating on it. But what those dumbasses don't realize is that maturity can come at any level. Haven't you seen those little babies on the streets, walking around, high on pot, smoking a cigarette?
If you haven't, your mom must have locked you in her basement for 30 years or something, because that's what's been going on.
With fans[]
Fans, of course, love it because it's so fun to play (as stated many times earlier in this article, of course) and can be viewed as something to do other than something really fucking boring and hardwork such as homework, mowing the grass, washing dishes, and/or cleaning your room.
Fans also consider the series to be as great as the Call of Duty series because they are both equally as awesome, but in different ways. In GTA you get to ride a bike, but in call of duty you get to......make a duty call.