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History of the world
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| History of the world | |
|---|---|
 An unbiased photograph of the world. | |
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Created in |
17,000 years ago |
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Created by |
Franco DePatchio |
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Significance |
No one really knows what significance the world has to human beings |
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Categories |
Before the beginning of the world |
The history of the world must've started about 17,000 years ago when Franco DePatchio, of whom Francoism believes is the Christians' God, created the universe but was being extremely racist and had a bad day at school so he just started playing with crap and then the world was created.
That's only according to one religion, though, even though it proves Christianity wrong because Science says that that's right and Science is always right because if Science wasn't right then wtf would we do?
And this article pretty much just sums up the tales of Franco DePatchio, so yeah, that's what it's about, just to warn....whoever.
And besides from talking about the modern world (stolen straight from the main article, haha) it also discusses the future of the world and what people may be experiencing later on in life, within the next few hundred years (or whatever).
The article is seperated into five different categories: Before the beginning of the world, Beginning of the world, the Early world, the Medeval Times, and the modern world.
That would be in chronological order, of course.
Just a basic timeline of the world
Edit
The following section(s) explain the history of the world in detail, but this is pretty much what would happen if you just decided to be lazy and wanted to simply sum it all up.
| Year | Description | Area that it happened in |
|---|---|---|
| 123 BC | Cell phones, along with texting, are finally invented after hard work from scientists. | America |
| 115 BC | France invades Russia. They were jealous of the fact that Russia were more advanced with soft drinks (Russia had Coca Cola and France only had Pepsi by making a Pepsi threat. | America |
| 99 BC | The war ends, with them settling on a peace treaty, but then the France ruler accidentally spilled some Pepsi on the treaty paper and then the war continued again. | America |
| 76 BC | Scientists manage to invent the Vulcan cannon (FINALLY) | America |
| 60 BC | Scientists manage to invent the idea of building a snowman for Christmas. | America |
| 59 BC | Teenagers manage to invent the idea of destroying a little kid's snowman for Christmas. | America |
| 51 BC | Santa Claus is invented but he is stabbed to death by an “evil” five-year old. | America |
| 42 BC | The first video-game was played in | America |
| 26 BC | The bible was written by the KKK | Greece |
| 20 BC | George Washington is born | Canada |
| 1.45 BC | The first episode of Family Guy airs on TV | America |
| 0 | Jesus was born. | ???? |
| 31 | Jesus died. | England |
| 77 | Aliens invade Europe but are gunned down by tanks via Hitler. | Japan |
| 105 | Chistopher Columbus has a sandwich. | Greenland |
| 140 | Christopher Colubmus is lynched by the KKK. | Mexico |
| 189 | The first girl is born. | America |
| 256 | Breathing was made illegal in Canada. | Asia |
| 304 | Franco DePatchio dies. | America |
| 481 | Green Day reject George Bush's presidency. | Canada |
| 598 | Harry Potter attended Hogwarts. | England |
| 675 | King of the Hill got cancelled for the next thirteen hundred years. | America |
| 803 | Printers were called "primitive". | America |
| 996 | Aliens invade again, but Hitler's tanks gun them down, once again. | Germansony |
| 1043 | Singing is made illegal, due to the fact that everyone's singing sucks in France. | French |
| 1212 | Nothing happened in this year. | America |
| 1345 | "Dangit" was outlawed due to aliens using crap against people. | America |
| 1478 | Transformers invade Poland. | America |
| 1644 | Meteors attack the dinosaurs again. | India |
| 1776 | NOTHING happened. | America |
| 1855 | Oldest woman was born. | America |
| 1876 | Oldest woman dies. | Pacific ocean |
| 1999 | People freak out about Y2K | America |
| 2009 | First black elected. | America |
Before the beginning of the world Edit
- Main article: Before the beginning of the world
Franco DePatchio Edit
- Main article: Franco DePatchio
This following section explains what happened in Franco DePatchio's life and how it is important to how modern society evolved into what it is now (or something like that).
BirthEdit
Added by Zzguitar14Franco DePatchio, born 123 ABC, was born from himself, as he obviously could not have a mother. That would be gay and just....really weird. No one has ever had a mother before....why would you even think that he was born from his mom? That's just disgusting incest crap that you're trying to pull on people, man, trying to act like you're all cool by talking about incest.
Well you're not, because that crap's disgusting and you should know it, too. Don't you think about that when you make out with your stuffed animals? Well you'd better start thinking about it because it's just sick. You need to get a life, man. Franco DePatchio, inside his mom. Ridiculous. Stupid. Retarded. Fugly. You slut prostitute Slutostitute.
Yeah, so Franco was just born. Franco was born out of thin air, out of nothing, almost. No wait, he was born out of nothing. Yes, that's right. Absolutely nothing. Nothing whatsoever. And some even say that you actually “can't” be born out of nothing.
Well he was, and that's all you need to friggin know. You got that? Or are you still willing to debate it? Because we can go on for hours about how the Sun got all serious with the Milky Way Galaxy and then got pregnant and had a whole bunch of little planets. Pluto was like “wtf am I so small for?” and then the Sun's just like “cuz ur the runt, u friggin retard” and then Pluto's just like “ok wtf?”
ChildhoodEdit
Added by Zzguitar14Thing is, Franco had a life. Before the world was created, Franco had a childhood, and he also had friends and a family to support. And the world was suffering an economic depression even before the world was created, isn't that just amazing? Ha.... Franco woke up one morning and his dad was shouting and screaming at his wife for leaving the brownies in the freezer for too long (the family loved frozen brownies; haven't you ever had a frozen brownie? They're delicious, but you're racist so you wouldn't want a frozen brownie anyway; screw you).
His dad said, “Angelina, [his wife was Angelina Jolie back when she wasn't pregnant with an eighty-five year old man that she married for her own beneficial needs) you need to clean up this mess you just made! There's brownies everywhere and it looks like someone just took a ten pound shit all over the kitchen!” (To be honest, when Brownies are left in the freezer for too long, they explode.)
Angelina wasn't there, though. She had run away from the house that they lived in. She had packed her bags and moved out. Just moved out. Abandoned her baby son (Franco was almost three at the time) and her ex husband who was her husband (at the time).
Angelina, coincidentally, planned to commit suicide by “hopefully” making herself die via concentration; but that's such a fucking stupid way to try and kill yourself, mainly because of the fact that doing that won't kill you; it'll just make you look stupid. And besides, have you ever heard of anyone dying by the use of concentration? It just doesn't fucking happen. And it never will. It doesn't make any sense.
You'd basically just be sitting there and then you die. Sure, that happens, but only because of some other complicated medical problem, such as dying of old age at the age of twenty-one, having a heart attack, or some other way. And it only happens on movies anyway.
That was when Franco was three. Well, almost three, as explained earlier. That was the day before his birthday, and his parents were just constantly cussing each other out to the point where it didn't even make any sense; one conversation went like this:
- Unnamed husband: “Angelina fucking you ass cock dammit bitch!”
- Angelina: “What the fuck did you just say?”
- Unnamed husband: “Sucker bitch shitfucker!”
- Angelina: “What the fuck?”
- Unnamed husband: “I don't know. Nevermind.”
That's how a lot of the conversations would often go, and then there'd be constant crying from Franco, due to the fact that he absolutely hated when his parents cussed all the time, and it was when his dad was always drinking and starting crap and stuff like that, and then they'd get into arguments over nothing, as demonstrated in the previous conversation transcript which was added at the request of several New York agents of the MMBC (or something).
The next significant even that happenedEdit
Added by Zzguitar14The next significant event that happened in Franco's life was when he was six and the house burnt down when his father had found someone knew (her name was coincidentally Lindsay Lohan) and they had been drinking about seventy bottles of beer when they shot a firework off in the house and it caught on fire, and eventually the entire house just blew up, killing the father and mortally wounding Lindsay (she had to get her tonsils surgically moved due to them catching on fire; she was rushed to the hospital but she had to get her arm amputated, too, for no reason).
Franco was safe from the explosion due to the fact that the carelessness of his parents actually saved his life, as they had forgotten that they had left him laying on top of the car when they sat him down to put groceries into the trunk (they had gone to Walmart) and so he fell off when they were going into the driveway, and he rolled out onto the street.
So, since Lindsay couldn't and didn't want to support Franco, Franco was just lying there in the middle of the road that night (it was nighttime....like three o' clock in the morning or something) cars kept narrowly missing him because his entire neighborhood were druggies and they didn't know that driving cars while being under the influence [of drugs] is just plain stupid.
Franco was awake by five o' clock in the morning, and this guy stopped in front of the baby and was a terrorist and was about to shoot the baby but then he saw a spider on the edge of the curb, smoking weed, and the terrorist had spiderphobia, so he was real scared and just got back into his car and drove off, leaving Franco safe. For then.
Added by Zzguitar14When morning arrived, Franco opened his eyes from a recovery via the knockout that had occurred when he rolled off the car, and he felt really hungry so he ate the bird that was on his face (hey, don't say it's gross; he was a little six year old and he didn't know any better than to eat whatever he could see, and there was a bird that had fallen asleep on his face so he ate it) and then he got up and stretched for about six minutes, forty-two seconds, and hundred and eighty-eight milliseconds before realizing that he was in the middle of the road.
But it was too late as a stupid SUV guy that wasn't paying attention to where he was going (he was playing cards with a stuffed animal and was angry that “the stuffed animal was being unresponsive again”) so Franco got knocked out cold again and finally, someone who was playing with his dog (turned out his name was coincidently Jonathon Marijuana; he went by the name Mr. Marijuana because he was a teacher at a local school), noticed this and called the police, but they were smoking way too much weed to care about “a kid who just got hit by a SUV and is currently bleeding uncontrollably and needs medical attention right away” so they just continued on their joints.
So Mr. Marijuana ran out of his yard and into the road to pick up Franco, but there was a drive-by that was happening so he ducked behind the mailbox nearest to him and shot back with a sub-machine gun but found that it was loaded with carrots instead of bullets and so they just bounced off the cars that the gangs were driving in.
So Mr. Marijuana as fast as he could, which was over sixty-miles per hour (his dad was Superman) and got to the hospital as fast as he could, and he arrived just in time for a medical dude to take Franco and “tend to his wounds”.
CourtEdit
Added by Zzguitar14Mr. Marijuana was apparently high at the time, however, as he always is, especially when teaching (he teaches pre-kindergarten kids and sometimes gets confused between basketballs and the kids themselves), so he had to go to court. Franco joined him at court, even though Franco had no idea what he was doing at the time, just sitting there, being a seven year old and all. He was always quiet, never said a thing. Not until the court period of time.
The judge announced the start of the case, and asked the lawyer for his or her defense and subject (or whatever) and so after there was a long silence (about sixteen minutes of nothing but silence) the judge finally asked, “Is there even a friggin lawyer?” and then Franco raised his hand, and the judge said, “Yes? You, little fellow, what's your name?” and then Franco says, after a pause and a second of thought:
“In the past, my primitive name was determined to exist as Franco DePatchio, based on my heredity and a combination of my selective intermediate parents' human naturalistic choice, defined by their characteristic likes and dislikes which managed to accumulate over a time period of several years in which several failed attempts eventually, inevitably resulted in an agreed determination of what my chosen, given name would be, and how it would actually give support to fractions of the basic cause of my current social status which is, however, largely determined via unimportant, less complicated subjects of which their matters are not to be discussed right now.
I am present in this courtroom for I must tell the completely true—”
The judge interrupted and said: “We only wanted your name, son. Thank you. Now, is anyone willing to support him as his lawyer? No? Well then, I'm going to say, well....jury?” and then everyone says “guilty” and then Mr. Marijuana is sentenced to twenty-five years in prison, to which Franco is to be held under the custody of Angelina, but since the case wasn't looked into far enough and so thus no one friggin knew where Angelina was, Franco was simply left alone.
Going to schoolEdit
So he wandered around town, trying to figure out what to do, confused about the obscene cultural patterns that the majority of teenagers displayed[Too much Wikipedia talk]. Eventually, there was an authority who found him and told him that he needed to go to school and so Franco eventually decided that it was fair to do so and so he did, eventually, but didn't really know what the guy had been talking about when he said “or we'll kill you”.
The thing was, America back then was suffering under martial law, since the world hadn't been created yet, and no one knew anything whatsoever whenever however or whatsoever, so no one ever really did anything about it. No one cared about anything else until this dictator stepped up to take place and said “Ah, you are to follow under my martial law” and so everyone did, pretty much.
That's how simple it was.
Franco wandered into school and was given a schedule, but then the school blew up and everyone rushed out, but couldn't in time and so thousands of people died, but Franco didn't. He never did. Eight-year olds never die. They can't. Have you ever heard of an eight-year old actually dying? Yeah, didn't think so.
It just doesn't happen. It's not like it's physically impossible or anything, but it's just never happened. Trust us. Find out for yourself if you don't believe it. Google it. That should tell you.
Teenage yearsEdit
Added by Zzguitar14When Franco was thirteen he joined his first gang association which he creatively named “The Franco-DePatchio Gang Association”, which they commonly abbreviated to FDGA, for whatever reason.
The gang resulted in several, strangely dramatic, movie-related gang wars that were so awesome like the ones you see on TV. And stuff like that.
The thing is, though, in these, people actually died, which is even awesomer!! Franco had an army gang of twelve people and six of them were too stupid to know any better so they got killed right on the spot (i.e. driving cars that had bombs in them, simply getting shot in the ear, falling off a cliff, etc.).
The five friends of his who survived the first round (there were three rounds, of course; why wouldn't there be three rounds? Seriously, come on) were Cocaine Farmer (which was his best friend), Meth Saget, Weed Fro, Ross Walmart, and K-Mart Forever, all of whom were really stupid and thus had no interest or knowledge about gang wars and only joined Franco because it was “fun, safe, harmless, and fun!”, according to that guy who wrote Sesame Street. But that guy from Sesame Street was wrong. W-R-F-Q-L wrong!
Turns out, gang wars aren't “safe”, “harmless”, and “fun”. They're qute different than that, actually. But so what. Cocaine, Meth, Weed, Ross, and K-Mart didn't care. They just wanted to fight with a gun of some sort.
So, when round two started, which is, in reality, sophomore year, it took place in the cafeteria of the school they attended. This event, which happened annually to some two gangs of the sophomore year, was named “The Illegal Sophomore Gang War Event in the Cafeteria Which Lasts Only 24 Hours”, as if that wasn't specific enough.
So everybody was ready, apparently, but then there was this little sweet, innocent, childish little kid who was on the other side of the gang, and he had a lollipop and a sucker and was wearing a cap that said “I love my Mom” and Franco had the chance to shoot him. He didn't know what to do....
But then K-Mart announced, “Step out of the way” and then he said “You gonna die you motherf**ker!” and he shot the kid several times, laughing maniacally, but then a disco ball fell on his head and he died. Ha. Wait, what?
So the war continued, and lasted until the end of the day, obviously, as the name of the event suggested,. By the end of the day, everyone was done fighting and was simply sitting at a table smoking weed and staying high, cooling off, relaxing. But then the principal stormed in through the front door and announced, “Alright, all of you are expelled from this school! Leave, now!
Before my toupee falls off from me yelling so much!” and then who was left of the gangs, Turnip Boy, Franco, Cocaine, Shoutee, and Jacketh offered the principal some weed and then the principal tried it and then the principal and the four guys from the two gangs just sat there on the cafeteria table and smoked weed for two days straight. No one really knows where they got all this weed from.
Turnip Boy says that he has a weed field that his dad grows, but no one really believed him but it didn't really matter where it came from.
Just the fact that it's there. Or whatever.
After high school (college)Edit
After high school, Franco had gotten his diploma or whatever and headed to college where he studied worldism, or “the belief of the world” as it was only a myth that the world existed then, but Franco was the one who, in college, made the myth a reality by finding the purple cube in the pyramid of Zalflexio Miragolawis.
But to be able to do that, we must go back in time to the age of which Franco was nineteen and he dropped out of school to go on that journey.
The journey to some random foreign countryEdit
Only Cocaine went with him, though, because everyone else was dead. So they flew on a magic carpet all the way to Spain or Paris or wherever the frig Egypt is and then they landed on top of one of the pyramids. On top of it they discovered a note which read:
“Ay, lemme kick it to you right quick man
Not on some gangsta shit man on some real shit
Anybody who been through the same thing
I'm sure you feel the same way.
Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and”
But that's all they could read before they fell off the pyramid and slid down it and fell onto the sand. Cocaine died right there. No one really knows how or why. He just did. He died. Right there. But no one really cared. So okay, yeah; moving on.
Added by Zzguitar14Yeah, so Franco found himself at the bottom of the pyramid, deserted and alone, when all of a sudden this ancient tribe walked up to him, mumbling things to each other in different languages, languages that Franco didn't know. They had markings all over their faces and they didn't wear shirts; they wore little short shorts that looked like cloths wrapped around them. Franco imagined them as the Egyptians from a long time ago.
They continued to speak in the different languages that he didn't understand; they wore head garments on their head that had weird designs. They suddenly stopped in front of Franco; they were all gathered around him in a circle. Then, the tribe leader walked over to Franco and, after a pause of silence, asked, “Who the fuck are you?”
Franco didn't know what to say, really except “My name is master shake—” and then he was hit across the head real hard with a club.
Then, he awoke, lying on the ground, them gathered around him, saying things in different languages again, languages Franco didn't know. Then, he stood up and then they all sat down. He began to sit down, too, but then the tribe leader said, “No, you dumbass, you're supposed to stand up.”
And so Franco stood up, asking, “Who are you? Why have you taken me here?” to which the Egyptian pharaoh responded, “Well, if you would keep your fucking mouth closed long enough for me to finish then maybe you'd find out.”
Franco wasn't intimidated really until the pharaoh pulled out a machine gun. Then Franco said, “Alright.” And the pharaoh explained,
- The pharaoh: “We believe you are the chosen one, the one who may rule as the sacrifice to our great and mighty kingdom. We shall split your soul from your body and use it as the sacrifice to our gods, and then we shall bury your body inside a vast, large pyramid that—”
- Franco: “But—”
- The pharaoh: “Shut the fuck up! Now, as I was saying, we shall bury your body inside a vast, large pyramid in which you will live your afterlife. You shall be executed on this day as it is the holiday of the Egyptians and we must follow it in order to continue trade across Egypt. Are you ready to face your destiny, chosen one?”
But Franco was gone. He was running away from them, as he had left the room that they had put him in, and he was crossing the large, sandy desert, trying to find somewhere to go, and there was nothing for miles and miles but sand and a blue sky. And random pyramids, scattered everywhere as well. But nothing.
Then, he spotted, in the distance; yes, there it was, a motorcycle! Surely he wasn't having a marage. Maybe he was, but this was too good to be true to him; he hopped onto it and took off, but he couldn't because it was out of gas. Then he saw a jug of gasoline a few feet to the right of him.
Then he picked it up but discovered it was empty. Suddenly, storm clouds started gathering and it started raining gasoline. This was the first time in his life that he was happy that it was raining gasoline. He got on the motorcycle and drove off as fast as it would go, the Egyptians following him on camels.
After he had reached the end of the desert, he was out of gas so the motorcycle was no use to him whatsoever. The camels, of course, couldn't catch up to him, and they felt that the camels would do better instead of the aircraft that they had that would've worked a whole lot better and flown a whole lots faster.
Creating the world Edit
Franco found himself in a deserted city. A ghost town pretty much. He looked around for a mode of transportation but all he could find was Volkswagens, really slow mopeds, and a skateboard that just happened to have been used on the set of Back to the Future. So Franco had nowhere to go.
He looked for someone. Surely there would be someone there in the town, waiting for him, but there wasn't, so he walked into someone's house and started watching a rerun of that football game that he'd missed earlier, having all those sessions in his life that he'd been involved in. After eating all the chips in the kitchen of the house, he randomly said to himself, “Alright, I'm going to create the world!” and so he did.
And so now we can finally get started on what this article is actually about.
Beginning of the world Edit
- Main article: Beginning of the world
What was most important to himEdit
What was most important to him, of course, went first, so Franco created cheese, milkshakes, chocolate, and ice-tea first. This likely explains why all this stuff is only eaten by old people, signifying that the are all old (or whatever; it still makes perfect sense).
IssuesEdit
Added by Zzguitar14There were a whole lotta issues that resulted from “what was important to him” as going first, because he was going by the “How to Create the World for Dummies” handbook that he'd bought at Borders in the Mall, so he had some issues that resulted from that, as explained earlier in this sentence.
Also, when he was checking his MySpace messages, the majority of them were requests on what he should add into the world that he was going to create at some point in time (he was holding it off/procrastinating because he was lazy).
Some of the requests included “Can you make laptops more affordable?” or “Can you stop school from being mandatory?” or “Can you get me hooked up with some hot chick?” and he felt like God for a second there, receiving all those MySpace emails.
It seemed that if he ever posted a bulletin, there'd be a ton of comments asking about it, even if it was something simple like “I ate a dolphin at Long John Silvers today”, which sounds more like a tweet instead of a MySpace bulletin, but whatever.
He was having trouble deciding on what to create for the world, because it was just so complicated to him, so he thought and he thought and he thought and he said, “think, think, think, poo bear” and then he said, “Alright, I'm definitely putting 'Winnie the Poo' on my 'List of cartoons I need to cancel'.”
Assassination attemptEdit
Eventually, he made a public announcement in front of billions of people (it was even broadcasted all over the world) that he would begin his creation of the world, and then everyone cheered and clapped and cheered again and then clapped again and other crap like that.
But then there was an assassination attempt at the assembly and he was almost shot in the leg, but then his bodyguard, Weevey (that was actually his name, I'm not joking around with you) simply caught the bullet in his hand and threw it all the way across the crowd with so much force that it disintegrated the air around it, leaving space in which air didn't occupy, due to the fact that air is racist and tends to want to only be in its own social groups and so thus doesn't want to interact with other air particles, due to the fact that air particles are racist of other air particles, as stated earlier.
After the attemptEdit
So yeah, the assassination attempt didn't work. And Franco was scared, too. So scared that he screamed like a little girl in public and so his social status just dropped so much that everyone started giving him hate comments when he was checking the YouTube videos that he had been uploading in support of his favorite band, Slipknot.
So yeah, when he started writing down prewriting steps to “how this was gonna go”, he was arrested many times, the first time from speeding of 160 miles per hour on the highway and running over two coffee cups which were sporadically in Franco's way while driving, mysteriously. So the cop first gave him a ticket, but eventually simply took the keys to his car and threw them off a cliff, saying “that's how we suspend your license in Egypt” and then Franco's like “Wtf I can totally just get another car. I mean seriously, how hard would that be. I have another car at my house.”
And then the cop, who was already furious with Franco, simply said, “Grr....yo momma is so fat that she eats hamburgers!” and then Franco's like “wtf?” and then the cop pulls out a gun and then Franco pulls out a chaingun and says “you'd better watch it. I used this on Doom, the PC game, and I know what it does.”
And the cop backed off the cliff they were standing near, and Franco was put in jail for three years, which quickly angered the public in slowing down the “Creation of the World Project”, which eventually resulted in the Japanese armed forces blowing up the prison that Franco was in, resulting in a Japanese-American war that lasted seventy-five centuries; the Japanese like water.
And when the prison blew up, Franco was credited as being the cause for it, and so he sentenced another fifty years in prison, which resulted in the explosion of that prison, too, which resulted in him getting life in prison.
The girl of his dreamsEdit
Added by Zzguitar14During spending prison time at the prison he was spending time at, he met a very “beautiful”, as he called it, girl, that was serving time for killing three hundred people with a machine gun.
You may ask how this ties in with the creation of the world? Well, really, it just sparked his enthusiasm and creationism for doing it, so she was essential in his needs for emotional stability. However, when he asked her to marry him, she refused and slapped him across the face, which plummeted any chances for the world being created (yet again).
Getting out of prison (or whatever)Edit
How Franco got out of prison was he threatened to make everyone at the prison drink Pepsi Max. Everyone knew that Pepsi was bad enough by itself, but just by adding the word “Max” after it makes it sound so much worse.
The entire prison was abandoned and Franco reached another issue. The prison was abandoned but he was still in his cell. And it was locked. Friggin locked. LOCKED.
The keys were too far away for him to be able to reach them, and then suddenly, Regis Philbin shows up out of nowhere and says, “Hello, would you like to be a millionaire?” and then Franco says, “Are you....God?”
Regis says, “What? No, I'm not God, stupid. I'm Regis Philbin. You know, from the game show that you bribed to get in and then said you'd sue me if I didn't let you in and then I called the security and you threatened to kill me?”
Franco says, “Oh. Right. Yeah I remember you. Hey, why don't you actually be of some use and unlock me so I can escape out of my cell?” and Regis just leaves. After a few minutes, Franco says, “Well that was fucking random” to himself.
Then, he found the key to opening the prison as it was laying on the floor of the prison, so he uses his mouse, Stuart Little, and gets the key to unlock the door. Then he gets out of it and walks house to work on creating the world some more.
Death Edit
So instead of doing that like everybody wanted him to, he decided to simply go around town and start doing whatever he wanted, which usually revolved around eating hamburgers at McDonald's and shopping for clothes at the mall. When people asked him “to fucking hurry up already”, and had asked it “too much for him to bare”, he made a public announcement:
“People of Shit town [that was the name of the town], I must explain that I have a life too and it does not revolve around creating the world, alright? You got that? Because I don't even wanna friggin do this anymore. It's madness. I hate it. I wanna just burn this town down with gasoline and laugh right in your dead little faces.”
And then this large black man shot him fifty-seven times. You think he lived? No he did not. No way. He died.
The world starts to actually advance a little (the early world) Edit
Main article: The early world
No one's too sure about what happened after that, but soon, different cultures start forming out of the gist and so the Mayan Civilization, the Egyptian Civilization, and the Assyrian Civilization were the only three civilizations out there.
So pretty much, civilizations started forming and things were actually starting to make some sense around the world. Along with civilizations, laws formed, religions formed, and etc.
The Mayan Civilization Edit
The Mayan Civilization believed that they could be so fucking cool with all their predictions of the future. Some translators from the current days even try to lie to you and write stuff like “Hitler — Nazis” or, wait &mdsah; maybe that's the Bible codes. Oh, okay, nevermind.
The Mayan civilization worshiped cats and dogs, and, get this, they even offered sacrifices to the gods (which were cats and dogs), especially human sacrifices, so pretty much, they didn't live long enough for an invasion to happen. They made too many sacrifices and just killed themselves to death.
And so that's how the Mayan civilization happened.
The Assyrian civilization Edit
Meanwhile, the Assyrian civilization were only interested in killing other people, and so they often had wars with the Egyptians, which was machine guns, gunblades (those were very popular back then, lol), and simply knives, but soon after, they started using tanks, which would blow up parts of the Egyptians' pyramids and it'd be raining pyramid building-parts for days, which was really funny and stupid.
This war that the Assyrian civilization engaged in was called the “Assyrian-Egyptian civilization war”, and honestly, people weren't too bright then. The news captured everything on tape, as the fight lasted for years and years, and people from home had to get their football games interrupted to hear the news, due to martial law still being held in place, and if they wanted you to miss a football game so you could hear the news, then you were definitely going to miss a football game to hear the news.
The Egyptian civilization Edit
The Egyptian civilization are a civilization that evolved from Assyrians simply relaxing under palm trees but then Assyrians came and invaded other Assyrians and so they were split into two groups: the higher group kept its name while the lower group were changed to "the Egyptians" and were forced to build large, random, pointless pyramids for virtually no reason other than for the fun of the Assyrians to sit there and watch them, probably while they were lying back, drinking a Coca Cola and eating a hamburger that they got from McDonald's (or something).
This civilization (the Egyptian one) didn't last that long, though, because in 17 BC, they were ultimately wiped out by a large meteor that hit them in the middle of the desert and created the Grand Canyon (or something).
Other civilizations that followed Edit
Other civilizations that followed were the Aroskis, the Eat My Potato Chips and I'll Kill You civilization, and the Paronski civilzation, but all three of those somehow managed to die out in about twenty years.
The Medieval times Edit
- Main article: Medieval times
The Medieval times included the time period from 0 AD to 1992, so there's a whole lot to explain in this section that may take a while to explain, as noted earlier in this sentence, way back when you were reading about five minute ago because it takes you a really long time to comprehend the things being said, right?
Christianity Edit
Jesus (0 AD–30 AD) Edit
- Main article: Jesus
Alright, so first off, Christianity felt that it needed to fucking invade everybody's lives and "spread the word of God" and so they attempted to when Jesus came around, but Jesus really wasn't enough to change people's minds because he was just like "Ey, God is this guy who's sitting back, watching a [[football] game from a place I like to call Heaven, and he is going to send you to fucking Hell if you don't fucking worship him, you filthy motherfucker" and then he takes out a gun.
He says "so are you gonna worship him?" and then you must say "uh, do i have a choice in this" and then he goes "oh, oh, alright. So that's how it is. You can't even fucking do one favor for me? I just asked one thing from you. One fucking thing! ONE! And you have to fucking turn me down like that! Alright, I see how it is, you MOTHERFUCKER. I'm outta here. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. You don't give a shit. Get the fuck outta my face. Fuck you, man."
And that didn't really get them anywhere because people were just like "what the fuck?" and so it took Christians many years to get popular and start annoying the fuck outta everyone they see.
So Jesus was arrested and, NO, he did NOT sacrifice his fucking life so you could ask for forgiveness because of all the "sin" you've created. NO, that's not what he did. He had no choice in this. The Romans fucking hated him and they decided to crucify him, and then they stole his body from his grave and creamated him and smashed the pot into a river after setting it on fire again.
The followers continue to "spread the word of God" (30 AD–200 AD) Edit
Well, turns out, the religion didn't stop there. The Romans continued to kill Christians for all the harm they'd caused to the Romans for not worshipping their unbelievable gods, so they were persecuted until Constantine felt like he had to see a cross out in the middle of fucking nowhere and put it on his shields and uniforms. Turns out it was the power of Google that saved his sorry ass from losing. But that ended the persecution of Christians.
And then they dominated all that they could find. Yeah, they robbed, mugged, killed people who were atheists, Muslims, Islamic, or anything other than them, just like one really big, super-sized gang that was going around town burning down houses and shooting people for not believing the Bible, God, and Jesus were right about everything and such.
The Western half of the Roman Empire feels like annoying the hell outta people (200 AD–400 AD) Edit
Once the Roman empire was really popular and such, for like 200 years, it finally was invaded by the Huns and they were some pretty badass people who were able to defeat the Western half of the Roman empire, because all that side of the empire did was smoke weed and get high all the time, but the eastern half were as wealthy as Bill Gates and they didn't need any financial help.
All they did was lay back on their hammocks and enjoy the Sun. However, the Huns, mainly Matilda the Hun, felt like she needed to invade Rome and so she did, and she had a bazooka and she blew up the entire Western empire with it, and about 13 people died. The rest had evacuated via airplane, train, car, boat, ship, ehm....spaceship, etc.
Noah builds an arc (400 AD–600 AD) Edit
- Main article: Noah
Alright, so there's this guy named Noah Sanchez, right? And he hears the voice of God, which is specifically James Earl Jones' voice, of course, and God tells him "Alright, Noah, so get this straight in your head. I want you to build an arc. A fucking bigass arc the size of your fucking mom's ass or something, alright? And I need you to gather all the animals up and make sure they fuck each other enough to have enough babies to where the world will continue living because I'm so fucking tired of all the people in this world, dude, they just fucking piss me off, okay? So I want you to build this arc in, like, 2 hours, man, alright? And it's going to rain for about 40 days and nights, so you're going to need Internet access, but I gotcha covered man, no worries."
So Noah says, "Alright, I'm a man who believes that I need to build a really big arc in 2 hours and then gather all the animals in pairs of two and then float on top of waters that will flood the entire earth because it's going to rain for 40 days and nights. That sounds really believable. I'm doing it."
And so he built the arc and it actually did happen, strangely, just as God predicted, but Noah was a little high and forgot some species, such as the dinosaurs. And he had to admit, they were just too fucking big to fit on the ship. They took up too much space so he was like "Yeah, you're going to, umm, have to stay here, because....Eh, yeah, you're too big."
So after it flooded the Earth and there was a beautiful rainbow and the sky was pretty and the Sun was really shiny and nice and the grass was as green as it could've ever been, Noah got attacked by Ninjas and they killed him in 600 AD.
China turns evil/communist (600 AD-900 AD) Edit
On June 4, 600 AD, the chief executive of the Chinan Empire received an email from India declaring that China must become a communist by July 15 or the emailer will shoot fifteen hydrogen bombs at China. However, China declined to become communist because they were lazy (back then) and so India and China went to war for the next three hundred years but then the countries blew up. Or something like that.
That was when, suddenly, the Internet just suddenly stopped working, TVs just turned off, and the radio stopped playing songs and instead played quacking ducks. This resulted in an after-war called The 1st Afterwar, which was from 800 AD – 900 AD. But then, the messiah (the first episode of Family Guy) came and brought everything back to life.
The Sound of Music nearly wipes out all of humanity (1000 AD–1200 AD) Edit
During the next few years (100 years, to be exact) nothing happened in those years, so we call that the Years in which nothing happened years, which in most people's books, is very creative.
However, due to the release of The Sound of Music on 1000 AD, people who thought that the world was going to end in 1000 linked that movie to that because everyone who watched The Sound of Music got AIDS and everyone who got AIDS died. Except for Magic Johnson. But he was one of the few people who were immune to it.
Magic Johnson Edit
In fact, Magic Johnson was the only person immune to it who lived from the effects of The Sound of Music. Everyone else was eaten by the Infected, who were a group of people who survived watching The Sound of Music but were mutated into monsters and were afraid of sunlight (or whatever).
Magic's dog, Sam, was his only companion. Soon after this happened, he changed his name to Will Smith and starred in the movie I Am Legend and was about his personal life in 1000 AD–1200 AD, in which the population of the world was increasingly decreasing.
Linkin Park save the day (1150–1200 AD) Edit
During these years, a band that everyone loved for whatever reason, Linkin Park, were getting more and more popular until ONE day, they decided that they would write a new song that would be encouraging the people left to have sex more and reproduce more and so they created and named the song "New Divide".
Jon Stewart sentences all Republicans to Hell (1400–1450) Edit
In 1400, a man named Jon Stewart who just happens to host his own show called The Daily Show and is a Democrat just happens to have no relation at all with Jon Stewart currently. No, Jon Stewart ruled the world with an iron fist and made all women who were rich give about $10,000 to the poor who weren't rich.
This made everyone hate Jon Stewart so he created the apocalypse when he sentenced all Republicans to go to hell after they died. And they weren't even allowed to text in hell, either. What a shame...........
The modern world Edit
Main article: The modern world
The following section explains all the modern things that are happening right now, as this is pretty much what the history of the world eventually had to come to: the modern world.
Time period Edit
The modern world started on September 14, 1992 and ends at the present. Any time before September 14, 1992 is not considered the modern world and will never be considered the modern world so don't be trying to consider any time before September 14, 1992 as the modern world because it's not the modern world.
The economy Edit
Added by Zzguitar14There are plenty of things to talk about when it comes to the real world, the modern world, the whatever you want to call it. The economy, this is, referring to the United States at least, is pretty bad right now, well, at least, as of 2009. Apparently Barack Obama is going to help with the economy plans, which includes all the money right now in the United States, and a few other things that you don't really need to get into that much. But if you want to, well, then, that's just too bad.
Concerns Edit
There are plenty concerns about what the economy is going to be like over the next several years, and it can even be linked to the 2012 doomsday prediction if you think about it, because people want anything bad to relate to that so they can create as much propaganda as possible, and they make up new stuff that they know people will believe, because people can be considered, as a whole, extremely stupid, ignorant, aggorant, and destructive as a species, even though an individual can be considered smart.
We still all have our worries, really, and combined together, they create massive stuff that we all believe and get scared over, and then fall for the same tricks again and again and again and again.
Past Edit
The economy has been declining for some time now, and was worst in the 1930's, but people, again, yet again, fear that the economy may get worse than that in the United States, and that martial law will take over, or that something really bad will happen just because there's a better president in the seat than George Bush, which actually, really, doesn't make all that much sense if you think about it for another thirteen seconds like last time. Something related to the government, really.
Conserving Edit
Conservatives Edit
Added by Zzguitar14People are concerned about not conserving things in life, and thinking about how George Bush actually did some good during his presidency, just because he was a conservitave (Republicans are generally conservatives) and that he did good in the presidency, which he, of course, as everyone should know, obviously didn't. He did more harm than good.
Polution Edit
But people are often concerned with the fact that people don't conserve things that much, but that's okay, because the Earth is still here, and will always be here. Us polluting it hasn't done that much to it, has it? Obviously not. So we assume that the world will just end from all this, even though it actually most likely won't, if you, yet again, think about it for about thirteen more seconds. Ha. And then again, maybe more.
Not wanting to conserve Edit
Conserving isn't that fun, really, because you have to change your daily life, and no regular person really wants that really. They just want to live in the real world while having fun with their life, whatver they call "fun" (emo people most likely don't consider life to be all that fun, though, so you would guess that misery is the fun in them? Along with gothic people too, as they are similar. Even though they're not the same, of course).
It also involves actually doing stuff, too, like picking up trash that's not in the trashcan, recycling; it's just too much for a regular person to do, and it doesn't matter whether a person helps out or not, really, because they won't make a difference in a world of so many polluters. Think about it: if there is 7 billion people in the world, well, almost, then would you think that one person would really help out? It's probably a Christian thing, actually.
In religion Edit
Someone wants to go by the moral and save theirself from going to Hell or something ridiculous like that, and they feel guilt if they don't do it. Get over it. Come on, like, really, that's just absolutely ridiculous if you think about it (ah the phrase is back, yet again!).
Crimes Edit
Basically Edit
Added by Zzguitar14Many people state that there's a whole bunch of crimes going on in the real world/modern world, and, yes, there are, but really, there always has been. People haven't changed. Or, at least, not that much. You're either a good person or you're not. You can't change that. Don't watch those stupid reality TV shows that say that you actually can do something about who you are.
Don't let it intimidate you, give you hope, make you fight back at it, or whatever it would make it do to you if you watched it and believed it. They're just trying to make money off of saying something that some people want to hear.
Crimes go on in big cities, but it's usually just because people are too lazy to earn money so they go and steal it from someone else. Yes, it's usually money, and that's how crimes tie in with the economy in the real world, as most things nowadays revolve around money anyway, as probably said somewhere earlier in this article.
In religion Edit
People want to think that the world is filled with crimes and that God is ready to destroy it, but if you think about it, you would think that, if you were in God's position, that it would actually be pretty fun to watch these little humans messing around with each other, committing crimes, being punished for it, thinking the world's going to end through global mainstream propaganda, believing just about anything they can hear. If you think about, you would like to see that. You wouldn't want to destroy something that is so fun to watch.
So naturally, humans are going to continue this until the end of time, because in 2012 there won't be no friggin "New Age" or whatever they want to call it. That's just completely impossible and will never happen, no matter who wants it to and how much. Due to the fact that a New Age is when humans go through a spiritual change, which usually refers to humans being nice again and stop being themselves, which could not happen because humans are humans and that's never happened before, and it can't happen really.
There's nothing that would stop it even if it could, though. Even if it started over and the world didn't end, people would progressively start becoming humans again and not be all perfect and the same and whatever. We were born with a choice and that's what makes us who we are, despite popular belief.
Stupid criminals Edit
People who get caught-in-the-act during a crime are especially stupid, but even those who get caught are stupid, too, because people who get caught are the ones that do crimes and don't know how to be sneaky about it. For example, if you have a Twitter account and you brag about speeding, is that really a smart thing to do? And to post it on the Internet?
You could so easily get caught, and then you would get a fine of like $500 or whatever the crap the price is, and you would be really pissed, too, that it happened to you, and then you'd be cussing everything out, even though it was honestly, really, your fault and only your fault.
Accuasations Edit
Accuasations also tie in with crimes. People who assume it's okay to do something even though it's not does not make it okay to do it, obviously, but some people don't know that you can't just randomly kill people with a shotgun if you have one.
And most of the time people are just trying to lie so they will get off the hook, but there are very special, rare occasions where this actually happens and the person actually did not know that you can't just randomly commit homicide on regular, everyday people who are walking the streets of the city or town you live in. So don't do that.
Overall quality Edit
Beliefs Edit
Added by Zzguitar14Nowadays it's believed, mainly only by previous generations, that the overall quality of the current world is becoming less and less all the time, which, can, in some cases, be true, but really, technology is getting better, people are finding more cures to things nowadays, so people are being able to live longer, people are being able to learn more through school, studies, interest, and overall work/job, and so they are passing it on to their next generation and so they are teaching their new kids how to be smarter than them, really, and people are growing in population, which is good, because if there were only five hundred people in the world, then wouldn't that just suck?
You would meet everyone in under a year, and then you'd have met every single person in the world, and that wouldn't be any fun. Yeah, that would suck. It would suck a whole lot, if you want to be all technical about it.
Complaints Edit
And really, older generations say that there is less food in the world, and less water too, but this is obviously another myth about the real world, because water can't disappear and become less from the Earth unless it goes out of the world and into space, and that's not going to happen anytime soon, along with the fact that food grows and reproduces so no one should be worried about running out of food anytime soon. Not really, anyways. Not for a long time.
Also, the quality of how humans act has said to be worse than it was, but how can you really say that? People are people and will always be. People in 1909 weren't as spoiled as the ones in 2009, sure, yeah, but they didn't know that, couldn't know that, and lived anyways, so why should we be sad now because they didn't have the technology and entertainment that we have now?
They just had to deal with it, and honestly, no one really cares that they had to deal with it, either, because no one cares about anything anymore. But that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. The humans are getting along just fine right now and will be for some time, because it has to happen gradually. People aren't just going to suddenly jump out of their life and scream out "I Wanna kill someone!!!" unless you're just absolutely insane/crazy, and since there's very few people who are insane/crazy like that, then that small minority won't take over the entire world in five minutes. Not even five years or fifty years. Not the entire world.
Back to beliefs Edit
Beliefs going around in the real/modern world is changing the quality of the people in it; mainly because they are convinced that the world is going to end soon due to religion, other people, non-proofed "evidence", and much more that just overwhelmes their mind and scares them half to death, worrying that the world might end in 2012.
And then they get real stupid about it and spend all the money they got by buying everything in the store like there's no tomorrow and then camping out undreground and inviting people in so they can live through the end of the world.
Two things Edit
One Edit
If the world doesn't end, it's going to make you pretty stupid for doing that, because you actually took time out of your life to get away from the world, underground, and live there so the world can end and you can still be alive. According to you.
Two Edit
If the world ends then you are going to end, too, because it won't matter if you go underground. You're life has pretty much ended if you stay underground forever. That's just, like, potential emoness and suicide. That's ridiculous and retarded stupid. Don't do that. Ever.
Basic human nature Edit
So the quality of the world may be going down a little, due to the beliefs that people have about everything around them, combined with their curiosity, intelligence, arrogance, ignorance, stupidity, and self-centeredness working together all at once and trying to actually get some sort of physical work one. Yeah, it's not happening. It'll get better.
Prices Edit
Gas prices Edit
Added by Zzguitar14To be honest, yes, prices are going up in the modern world. Prices will always go up. A part of that is, yes, of course, due to the economy, but another thing is that there is more money in the world, and so, honestly, when there's more of something, it loses its rarity value, doesn't it?
Don't people ever think about the little things that can make a big difference if applied correctly? Obviously not. They just think about all the big things in the world. Nothing else. Ever.
Everything else Edit
Prices are getting higher, which ranges from drinks, to food, to gas, to being able to do something, to fees, to whatever, but that is only because of the economy problem and the fact that there is more money in the US then there was ten years ago, and so food is higher.
History Edit
Think about it, like how gas back in the 1950's was probably like nine cents. Now gas is 2 dollars and something. Or, at least, right now it is. Yeah, it's because there is more money in the world then there was in the 1950's (fifty years ago) and so, yeah, you got to pay the price.
So that's what prices are like, and everyone has to deal with them, and everyone's had to deal with them. Surely, people back in the 1950's were angry about the high prices and were comparing prices to earlier times. People haven't changed. They probably never will, either.
Stupidity Edit
Some feel that the modern world contains a lot of utter stupidity such as, when driving, when a "good" driver meets a "bad" driver because the "bad" driver doesn't use the same driving technique as the "good" driver. And there's nothing wrong with the way they drive, either, it's just the angry, "good" driver is cussing out the "bad" driver for doing "stupid" things, according to the "good" driver.
The whole "blonde jokes" thing can be offending to those who are blonde (but if you wanted a good dumb blonde joke website, then Google "dumb blonde jokes" and go to the second website), and especially to those who are completely against the whole "blonde joke" idea (no seriously though, that website has some good jokes).
Pop culture Edit
Main article: Pop culture in the modern world
Added by Zzguitar14The modern world and pop culture are very similar but two very different topics, especially because adults and teenagers of the current generation both look at the effects of pop culture in different ways, and that's actually the truth.[too much Wikipedia talk]
Fashion Edit
In the pop culture, the sterotype of fashion seeems to be "baggy pants that are at your knees, plain shoes, a really long shirt and/or a shirt that has a gangster sign on it." But that is quite the contrary, because only black people, Mexicans, and a portion of the white people do that.
The majority of teenagers enjoy baby showers, classical music, board games rap music, pop music, rock, r&b, skinny jeans, tight shirts, and/or a skateboard to ride that will take them places.
Entertainment Edit
As mentioned earler, somewhat, most teens enjoy rap music, pop music, r&b, rock, and Lady Gaga (for whatever, unknown reason). Honestly, not that many people watch TV anymore, due to the fact that all that's on there that's new is the news, an occasional football or basketball game, and game shows (of course).
Most teens rightfully enjoy getting on the internet as that is the most fun thing you can do nowdadays in the modern world, because if you try to do anything else for over an hour, you'll end up with a brain tumor or something for sure.
School Edit
Even though there's no way school is wanted to be a part of pop culture, it kinda has to be because it's manditory and you can't friggin drop out until you're sixteen, and that's even with your parents' permission. School is popular however due to that reason, even though officials say that if it wasn't manditory, the teachers would lose their jobs and they'd have to shut the school down because no one one fucking come.
So school is a place to meet friends (your classmates) and enemies (your faculty and staff of the school). This goes on throughout the entire world and possibly the entire universe, too, because, yeah, what if this does happen out of Earth? Aliens might have to go to school, too, you know.
No one really knows for sure.
See also Edit
External links Edit
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