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Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
While her eyes scare people away, she usually catches them and eats them anyway.

1980s sometime

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Occupation

wannabe singer/actress

Genre(s)

Godzilla pop

Gender

No information

Associated acts

Too many to count

Well, I'd guess there's a lot to say about Lindsay Lohan. Known for playing in overrated movies, having several documentaries on the History Channel, having a mom who's a dog and a dad who's a bear, going on killing sprees in Los Angeles every Friday, flicking off people while driving by them, and even popping Police cars' tires with a botox needle.

And she is only 22.

History Edit

Life before prison Edit

Born in a rehab center in California back in the mid-1980's to her Mom and Dad, everyone around her soon found out that she would cry if she didn't get what she wanted, so they usually stayed away from her, even her parents, who made up excuses like "Uh....The hospital's on fire, and I have to go" or "Times Square needs me" or "I lost my job".

She was an unusually large baby, too, weighing 27.8 pounds, breaking the baby scale. They even had to replace the hospital bed she was on every other day because it broke from the exhaustion and effort it took to keep her up.

Some say she was born with vampire teeth, but it is known for a fact that she was born with three tusks and dinosaur teeth, and, as a baby, depended on a diet such as iron, bronze, plastic, and aluminum, which she ate a lot of.

She spent 12 years of her life in jail for setting another baby on fire in 1987, when she was one. She was originally acquitted, but her parents eventually confessed that she did it and she was sent not to juvy, but to jail from 1988-2000.

Life in prison Edit

Lindsay Lohan was sent to a prison in Los Angeles, California in the 1980's, when she was 1-2, no one felt brave enough to look into it.

She made her first prison escape in 1990, when she was 4, and was caught shopping at an Ammunation Store somewhere in Manhattan, New York, exchanging money for a rocket launcher and a sniper rifle.

It took the army to take her down, but they got her back in prison, resulting in her being in a large cement block, which has never been escaped from in the history of mankind.

However, in 1993, she was successful in escaping the cement block, with the aid of Houdini, who had apparently come back from the dead. He helped her get to Los Angeles, where it was burnt to the ground (which took fifteen years to rebuild, thanks to her).

She was captured again, however, after being cornered by a bunch of ships in the middle of the Pacific Ocean a year later, and was put back in prison (for a third time) and they put her in a cage, in a cage, in a cage, in a cage, in a cage.

In 1999, she broke out again with the use of a hydraulics flame thrower and her rocket launcher, which is unknown to this day where she got. She also obtained a jet pack, and flew to Uranus, where she got a rock and threw at the earth, resulting in the dinasours dying (this is 1999). She was caught, however, and kept in prison for another year before the 14 year old Linday Lohan was released to the world, to the dismay of many people.

Life in the world Edit

Lindsay Lohan started taking a liking into acting, and threatened everyone who thought she was a bad actress, which was everyone, so she got a deal with the Parent Trap, a movie that shouldn't have been made.

It was, however, released after a few minutes of production, because Lohan decided to take over production and become executive producer, director, writer, scriptor, all the actors (except for the two adults who were intimitated by her scary appearance), filming, and etc.

She made many other unimportant movies which ulltimately did not make it to the big screen, and, developing a drug problem sometime in the early 2000's, she became worse and worse at acting as her life went on.

She quit school in 2002 because she said it was "too hard" and that she "wasn't interested in it very much" and decided to tell her parents that she wasn't going to college, who said okay, because if they didn't, she said she was going to kill them in their sleep with an overdose of botox, because she had no clue how to kill them any other way.

In present day, she attacks people while dressed up as a terrorist, and was said to be a creator of the whole 9/11 incident, which is largely thought to be true.

She currently lives with a wife and a husband, saying she "likes all people and decides that she shouldn't be judged by her orientation because then she would get angry, and you don't want the Hulk angry".

Drug Problems Edit

Lohan has, even since 2003, smoked every single drug known to mankind, along with making up a few of her own, such as The name of this drug sucks because I made it up and Apple Jacks II.

She has visited rehab a total of 777 times, the average amount for a celebrity on drugs, and has befriended Britney Spears while in there as well.

Filmography Edit

Movies Edit

  • Please note that all these movies suck
Film
Year Film Role Notes
1998 The Parent Trap Slut Main Role
2003 Freaky Friday Whore Main Role
2004 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen Slut Main Role
Mean Girls Whore Main Role
2005 Herbie: Fully Loaded Prostitute Main Role
2006 Just My Luck Slut Main Role
A Prairie Home Companion Whore Supporting Role
Bobby Diane Minor Role
2007 Georgia Rule Slut Main Role
I Know Who Killed Me Whore Main Role
Chapter 27 Prostitute Minor Role

See also Edit


Film
Film

Films2012 · Bedtime Stories · The Dark Knight · The Day the Earth Stood Still · Saw · Transformers · Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen · Tropic Thunder · Twilight · Up
PeopleBen Stiller · Adam Sandler · Christian Bale · Billy Mays · Robert Downey, Jr. · Jack Black · Hannah Montana · Ko'nan OH, Brian. · Lindsay Lohan · George Lucas · Will Smith
ChannelsMtv · The Disney channel · The History channel · The Weather channel
Other thingsScene
CommercialsFree credit report

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