No one knows for sure

Blood type:

"O" for what you think stands for "smart"


Your mother, Jared I, Jared II, Jared III, Jared IV, and Jared X), Your other mother

You is, at this very moment, reading this article. You is confused on whether or not you should continue reading it, because it is reading your mind at this very second and you is completely curious and wants to read more.

You were born in 1956, and you own a small cot in the middle of an unnamed island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where you constantly face your ultimate fear of being attacked by a tsunami, which would completely sink the island that you live on, and you'll have to use your raft to get to the next island, which is a few miles northeast of where you are now.

You have constant troubles with your internet connection because of the Bermuda Triangle and them projecting the finger towards you, which makes you very mad. So mad that you want to make an atomic bomb and throw it over to the traingle and blow it up, causing a worldwide explosion that shakes the Earth at the same time.

History Edit

Birth Edit

You were born on August 24th, 1966 and you have five older brothers, all of whom are named Jared, because your mother wanted to name you differently, and no, it's not because you're special. It's because your the runt.

Unfortunately, two of your five brothers died (Jared II and Jared V) because they killed each other by eating Frosted Cheerios, daring one another during a bet in 1988, which devestated you because you had just gotten into college.

Oh yeah, let me tell you why you just got into college at 22.

School Edit

It was because you sucked at school and did badly, got 45's in Language Arts because you didn't know how to spell, got a 29 in Math because you couldn't count, and you got a 59 in Science because you couldn't focus (because of the kid named Thomas with a shotgun pointed to your head, telling you not to work), so you failed like 3 or 4 grades.

In fact, during one year, you didn't even go to school, thinking they would let you skip the grade, but you were wrong, of course, and you had to go to 9th grade again, which you failed. You also failed 12th grade, and the last year, you got by just barely because the teachers' files got burnt and you were given the oppurtunity to go to college.

However, once you got into college, you were making a D- average, and was kicked out the second day for flicking a hornet at this kid who kept calling you retarded.

When you were in your thirties (the 1990s and 2000s) you were struggling to find a job because you one would hire you because you didn't know how to take showers. So you started a yard sale and got about $25 for your house, and an extra 25 cents for everything you own. The man who bought it paid you double for everything. No one knows why.

Current Life Edit

So now you've decided to live with your mom, who smokes a lot and sets off the smoke detectors, causing the sprinklers to rain on you. She simply laughs and keeps you locked out of the house, since you live in her very small garage that can fit about 1/4 of a car in it. It doesn't even have a light.

Your ambitions are to be a bouncer at a bar, but you find you're too weak to be able to do this, so you decide to just let it be and do what you do.

You and relationships Edit

If there's two words that don't go together, it's "you" and "relationships". The only chance that those two words would be in the same sentence would be if you said: "You are not good with relationships."

If you remember, you used to like Sydney, but got blown off because you weren't assertive enough, causing you to fall down the construction site and lose twelve of your thirty-nine fingers.

The end of the article Edit

Inevitably, people get tired of talking about you, so it's time to end this article and call it a day, don't you think so? So go and watch your favorite show (Spongebob) and find out if he's really in love with Patrick or not. You go and find out. Bye.

See also Edit